Unfair

My life as a child was terrible. When I was born, my father lost his job and our family's financials were very bad. I didn't get to buy new toys, new clothes. Everything was from my sister. Yes, I know that there are more unfortunate people out there. I'm just stating a comparison between me and my sisters. When my first 3 sisters were young, my father was incredibly loaded. Money wasn't a problem at all. Everything they wanted, was just at their fingertips. They would go on holidays together. Buy new toys and expensive clothes and eat pricey places. But that never happened for me. I grew up wearing my sister's old clothes, playing her old toys. It was... Heartbreaking. When I start to understand what it really feels like to have money, to be able to buy things for yourself, I was so into it. I wasn't into damn expensive goods, but I want many things. And i didn't ask money from my parents because I know they're living a hard life. So is it wrong for me to work to earn MY money, to buy MY own things?? If I couldn't feel blessed when I was young, couldn't I feel the slightest luckiness of having and buying my own things?? Why can't people understand me and be fair?? my sisters don't want me to get freedom, when they had the freedom way back. Why can't they give me a chance...?

I hate my fucking pathetic useless meaningless life.

I don't understand the reason of me being born, growing up and so called being a person. What the hell does it mean to be a growing person, a young adult, if all I do is restricted so badly? I'm waiting for my N level results, and we have up to 3 months of holidays. It's normal for us to go out and work during this period. the hell are you supposed to do at home for 3 freaking months? ROT? I'm not trusted, I'm not given just a little freaking freedom, and then I get blamed for everything. "Why can't you be like your sister?" "Why can't you open your mouth to ask for something?" "How can you succeed if this is how you do things?" "Why are you so afraid of people?" "What's the point of going to school if you always depend on your mum?". OKAY. Now, freaking tell me if going to work was a crime at my age, why a whole lot of students do it and they are not legally charged?? If I want to go and work but they kept saying no, WHEN can I stop depending on them? They are not letting me grow up independently but t hey expect me to be as independent as my sister that they clearly allowed to go to work at my age. Get why I hate my freaking life? How can you be so irrational and expect somebody to be like what you want them to be if you don't give them a chance??!! FUCK YOU.

Forever annoying -.-

To start the day like this, it was REALLY2 terrible. I planned it last night, to go out to jog with bestf today morning. It was agreed upon, but suddenly parents said no and mum started scolding me and piss me off. I still went out to jog, eventhough I was forbidden to do so. Yes, I'm disobedient, for the first time. Then, jogging was alllllll so fun. Reached home at 3.30pm and had a nice bath and finished house chores. At night, aft planning to go out again tmr, mum suddenly said someone's sleeping over at our house. SOMEONE WHOM I DONT EVEN KNOW. How annoying. I cant even get out of my room feeling comfortable. Been in my room since 8.30pm -.- Worse news, mum asked me to tag along with her to work. And scolded me when I said I wanna go out. IT'S NOT MY FAULT THIS FREAKING STRANGER IS STAYING IN OUR HOUSE -.- So annoyed. Really. Just hope that tmr she wont bother me and I can meet and friends to work out again. Grhhhh annoying....!!

N-LEVEL EXAMINATIONS

So now.......... not only romance happening in my life, but here comes the real studies stress. The National Exams are here. Done with languages and Social Studies 2 weeks ago. Ended Bio and Chem torture on Monday. Completed Maths Paper 1 today, Tuesday. Good thing is, there's no paper on Wednesday and Friday. So time off. Buttttttt, there's 2 damn hard papers on Thursday. Maths Paper 2 and Geography. Hahahah. Upcoming Monday and Tuesday are chill days. But needa face Design And Technology Theory paper on Wednesday. Theeeennnn, SAY GOODBYE TO BGSS, TO SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE. Can't wait to graduate. But I'm sure gonna miss all the drama, and the annoying school mates and teachers. Life goes on...