Roughly another three weeks have passed. I'm still stuck on the Mec, for obvious reasons. I still love him and well, I never did get a proper closure from him, you see... He never answered my questions, so I'm much left hanging, despite the rather clean break-up. Though I guess I'm not shocked. When have men fulfilled their promises? When have MEC ever fulfilled his promises? I don't know what I was actually expecting from him. Oh well, time will heal all wounds and help me forget him, forget how I much time, energy and feelings I gave him.
Anyway, J and K broke up. Lowkey expected that, with how the dude was being with me, yknow? He wasn't even upset about it, mind you. He sounded very much relieved that he didn't have to think about it anymore. But he hasn't talked about us much further, but I guess it's because he's been really busy. I was even lucky to get a little bit of his time last night, but I don't have much hopes with him either. I feel like he's hiding something but I'm not entirely sure. I also don't think K would be happy to know he was actually harbouring feelings for me throughout the whole time they were dating. She'd be super upset. I mean, I would be too, if my boyfriend liked someone else while dating me. Either way, she's still pretty upset about him and well, J seems rather nonchalant about the entire thing.
And guess what, the ex came back into the picture with again, not so shocking news. M told me he broke up with his girlfriend, blamed himself as usual, and suddenly started acting like how he did with me before again. A never-ending loop, if you ask me. We talked, has a rather strange moment last night, and then we were suddenly reminiscing our past relationship. What went wrong and how much we loved each other and how happy we were together. Then again, what is that conversation for, right? We ended it a long while ago and it's been a long time since then. We're almost at the one year mark of our friendship too, believe it or not. If we were still dating, we would've been dating for a year next month. IF, that is.
Anyway, I guess leaving without emotional attachments to anyone is the best choice, I believe. I stopped missing people, stopped worrying about unnecessary stuff while I was there and I definitely stopped crying at random times. Of course, I can't fix my mood, but that's something that has been an issue even when I'm home so it's nothing new. I don't know what else is going to happen in my life, since a short period of three weeks could change so much. It's been a rather confusing couple of months, but I guess Allah S.W.T removed Mec for a reason, despite my strong hopes that he would still be a part of my life. Maybe Allah is also trying to remove J and M slowly, but we'll see how it is.
For now, I'm going to have to excuse myself again as usual. Till next time - Paj out.
Monday, November 18, 2019
Saturday, November 2, 2019
It's been three weeks...
As promised, I'd update when I return home again. Well, it's my last day home before I have to go back to 'the' place. A lot of things happened. A lot has changed and honestly, I don't really know how to think or feel about it all.
Firstly, I lost Mec. We broke up the very day I got my phone back because he felt like things aren't fair for either of us and that we both deserve to find someone we can truly hold instead of finding comfort in words and photos. I guess it makes sense, but it would've hurt a little less if he said that when I was going to leave the first time. He said a completely different thing then, but it's suddenly an issue now. Oh well... I was very much looking forward to talking to him. I had so much I wanted to tell him. So much I wanted to ask and hear from him, but I guess I can forget all that now. I even kept a diary that was mostly dedicated to him, but now that book means shit. I'd probably burn it or tear out the pages. It just hurts to think about him now, considering we've made a considerable amount of memories together. I truly loved him and I was really, really happy with him. He said he wanted us to stay as friends, but he ghosted me right away after breaking up with me. God.. I don't know how much I've cried for that man since before we dated. I just love you so, so much, Mec. This is way harder for me than I made you believe...
Moving on, J is a motherflacking madman. He literally dropped the bomb on me, right after I broke up with the man I loved so much, that he's still in love with me. Despite being in a relationship. He's loved me since before I dated Mec, but he's never said anything before. And guess what? He wanted to cheat on her with me. Like, tf? K is my bestfriend. I could never do that her. Hell, I could never do that to anyone. I'd never want to experience that again personally, so why would I do that to someone else? Either way, he's been bothering me, saying 'I love you's like it meant nothing. Heck, I'm not even over Mec yet. I still miss that man a ton, so J is seriously making a huge mess in my head, with his confession and his invitation. It's incredibly maddening. And I have a strange feeling that he's lying about who he really is, but I can't tell K because then she'd find out J's supposed secret and it would also mess her up badly. I'm just so damn stressed.
Meanwhile, K told me that their relationship hasn't been doing great. They had a fight that started from something miniscule and it's kind of dragged out until now. I don't really understand why it's become such a big deal, but it has. And it feels like J is not even trying to fix it because he's way to focused on me to give a shit. Even K told me that they barely spoke, but he's been talking to me the entire night last night. She also told me that it's really awkward between them, so I really don't know what's going to happen while I'm gone. I hope J disappears somehow, so then I don't have to explain anything to K and just symphatise with her. Dear life, why are you so complicated...
On the good side, I met Jassie yesterday and it was really great. I missed her immensely and getting the chance to talk to her and joke around like old times felt amazing. Though it was a really shot session, since she ended work late and the mall was closing up so we couldn't stay longer. I need a much, much longer time with her. I need someone to talk to. Someone who'd give me support instead of blaming me or shooting me down, or guilt-tripping me by saying they're jealous. I need just one person that I can talk about Mec with, because while everyone is busy adding their issues to my thoughts, I didn't even get the chance to properly cry for him. I want him and I need him...
Either way, I'll be leaving in a few hours. J isn't around at the moment, despite saying he'd spend the whole day with me. K and A are both sleeping. Mec is also sleeping, I suppose, but he's been ignoring me anyway so it won't make any difference if he's up. I sent him one long ass text with a summary of what I wanted to say, so I guess we won't be talking anymore. I'll be gone for another three weeks, so I hope that would be enough time for me to heal.
His Nur - out.
Firstly, I lost Mec. We broke up the very day I got my phone back because he felt like things aren't fair for either of us and that we both deserve to find someone we can truly hold instead of finding comfort in words and photos. I guess it makes sense, but it would've hurt a little less if he said that when I was going to leave the first time. He said a completely different thing then, but it's suddenly an issue now. Oh well... I was very much looking forward to talking to him. I had so much I wanted to tell him. So much I wanted to ask and hear from him, but I guess I can forget all that now. I even kept a diary that was mostly dedicated to him, but now that book means shit. I'd probably burn it or tear out the pages. It just hurts to think about him now, considering we've made a considerable amount of memories together. I truly loved him and I was really, really happy with him. He said he wanted us to stay as friends, but he ghosted me right away after breaking up with me. God.. I don't know how much I've cried for that man since before we dated. I just love you so, so much, Mec. This is way harder for me than I made you believe...
Moving on, J is a motherflacking madman. He literally dropped the bomb on me, right after I broke up with the man I loved so much, that he's still in love with me. Despite being in a relationship. He's loved me since before I dated Mec, but he's never said anything before. And guess what? He wanted to cheat on her with me. Like, tf? K is my bestfriend. I could never do that her. Hell, I could never do that to anyone. I'd never want to experience that again personally, so why would I do that to someone else? Either way, he's been bothering me, saying 'I love you's like it meant nothing. Heck, I'm not even over Mec yet. I still miss that man a ton, so J is seriously making a huge mess in my head, with his confession and his invitation. It's incredibly maddening. And I have a strange feeling that he's lying about who he really is, but I can't tell K because then she'd find out J's supposed secret and it would also mess her up badly. I'm just so damn stressed.
Meanwhile, K told me that their relationship hasn't been doing great. They had a fight that started from something miniscule and it's kind of dragged out until now. I don't really understand why it's become such a big deal, but it has. And it feels like J is not even trying to fix it because he's way to focused on me to give a shit. Even K told me that they barely spoke, but he's been talking to me the entire night last night. She also told me that it's really awkward between them, so I really don't know what's going to happen while I'm gone. I hope J disappears somehow, so then I don't have to explain anything to K and just symphatise with her. Dear life, why are you so complicated...
On the good side, I met Jassie yesterday and it was really great. I missed her immensely and getting the chance to talk to her and joke around like old times felt amazing. Though it was a really shot session, since she ended work late and the mall was closing up so we couldn't stay longer. I need a much, much longer time with her. I need someone to talk to. Someone who'd give me support instead of blaming me or shooting me down, or guilt-tripping me by saying they're jealous. I need just one person that I can talk about Mec with, because while everyone is busy adding their issues to my thoughts, I didn't even get the chance to properly cry for him. I want him and I need him...
Either way, I'll be leaving in a few hours. J isn't around at the moment, despite saying he'd spend the whole day with me. K and A are both sleeping. Mec is also sleeping, I suppose, but he's been ignoring me anyway so it won't make any difference if he's up. I sent him one long ass text with a summary of what I wanted to say, so I guess we won't be talking anymore. I'll be gone for another three weeks, so I hope that would be enough time for me to heal.
His Nur - out.
Thursday, October 3, 2019
As promised, a continuation!
Okay, I'm back within a few hours! It's rare, I know, but I promised and well, I didn't really have anything else to do 😆
So, not sure where to start. Maybe from where it started to grow worse. Hmm... after working at my crazy ass workplace, I was transferred to a warehouse branch on the same company. It was much closer to home, but the environment was critical. I got a panic attack on the first day, broke down in the bathroom twice and prevented another one before I went home. It was shitty there. Work was extremely heavy, it worsened my back terribly and I fell sick much more there. Long story short, I decided to resign so I could take a break. Met great colleagues on my last week of work there, which was upsetting. I would have stayed if the job wasn't causing harm to me. But anyway, I quit after a month there, and that's where shit went down.
A week - no - a few days after I resigned, my mum started making a fuss about shit. didn't give me a chance at all to rest and take my time before she forced me to move to my sister's boarding school. You bet I was upset. It wasn't much of a heads up as we pretty much left the night of the day she told me. Literally forced me there and stuff. Took my phone away and left me without any money or any means of contacting anyone. Good thing is, I argued to stay at my sister's house instead so I still had my nieces to accompany me. It was the longest two weeks of my life; crying, crying, studying, praying, crying again, waiting. I left my friends with not much of a warning and a goodbye, I left my boyfriend with not much of anything either. All we agreed on was that he'll wait for me and be honest if he decides to leave. Well, he didn't, thankfully.
So I came back on Monday this week due to a hospital appointment scheduled on Tuesday. Texted J, K, A and Mec, and of course my IRL friends. I would like to think that they were all happy to see me, especially J, believe or not. He literally texted me everyday for the past two weeks I was gone. So funny, that guy. Literally everyone was telling me that he kept talking about me, about how upset he was that I was gone. And those same people also told me that he liked me LOL. But anyway, the first thing I did after coming back was helping him and K get together, so obviously he doesn't like me like that hahahah.
And to conclude the week early, I'm going back to the torture cell tomorrow - Friday. My phone will be taken away once again, at night tomorrow. And it would be a month before I would get my phone once again, so bless me. Two weeks felt like two months. I can't imagine how four weeks would feel. More tears and sulking, I guess.
Mec has been busy the whole week and J is upset, which I don't understand why either. But anyway, he texted Mec and that led to us having our first fight. Either way, Mec will be free on my last day so I'll try to talk to him as much as I can. J also happened to be free tomorrow so I guess I get both of my favourite dudes on my last day hahaha. Sigh, I feel melancholic as I'm typing this. I guess my next update will be on my next return, probably a month from now. I'll try to be more constant will my posts, even after my permanent return. I love writing, after all hahaha. See you when I see you, nobody (I really should give my blog a name 😂).
Fazzy - out for now.
So, not sure where to start. Maybe from where it started to grow worse. Hmm... after working at my crazy ass workplace, I was transferred to a warehouse branch on the same company. It was much closer to home, but the environment was critical. I got a panic attack on the first day, broke down in the bathroom twice and prevented another one before I went home. It was shitty there. Work was extremely heavy, it worsened my back terribly and I fell sick much more there. Long story short, I decided to resign so I could take a break. Met great colleagues on my last week of work there, which was upsetting. I would have stayed if the job wasn't causing harm to me. But anyway, I quit after a month there, and that's where shit went down.
A week - no - a few days after I resigned, my mum started making a fuss about shit. didn't give me a chance at all to rest and take my time before she forced me to move to my sister's boarding school. You bet I was upset. It wasn't much of a heads up as we pretty much left the night of the day she told me. Literally forced me there and stuff. Took my phone away and left me without any money or any means of contacting anyone. Good thing is, I argued to stay at my sister's house instead so I still had my nieces to accompany me. It was the longest two weeks of my life; crying, crying, studying, praying, crying again, waiting. I left my friends with not much of a warning and a goodbye, I left my boyfriend with not much of anything either. All we agreed on was that he'll wait for me and be honest if he decides to leave. Well, he didn't, thankfully.
So I came back on Monday this week due to a hospital appointment scheduled on Tuesday. Texted J, K, A and Mec, and of course my IRL friends. I would like to think that they were all happy to see me, especially J, believe or not. He literally texted me everyday for the past two weeks I was gone. So funny, that guy. Literally everyone was telling me that he kept talking about me, about how upset he was that I was gone. And those same people also told me that he liked me LOL. But anyway, the first thing I did after coming back was helping him and K get together, so obviously he doesn't like me like that hahahah.
And to conclude the week early, I'm going back to the torture cell tomorrow - Friday. My phone will be taken away once again, at night tomorrow. And it would be a month before I would get my phone once again, so bless me. Two weeks felt like two months. I can't imagine how four weeks would feel. More tears and sulking, I guess.
Mec has been busy the whole week and J is upset, which I don't understand why either. But anyway, he texted Mec and that led to us having our first fight. Either way, Mec will be free on my last day so I'll try to talk to him as much as I can. J also happened to be free tomorrow so I guess I get both of my favourite dudes on my last day hahaha. Sigh, I feel melancholic as I'm typing this. I guess my next update will be on my next return, probably a month from now. I'll try to be more constant will my posts, even after my permanent return. I love writing, after all hahaha. See you when I see you, nobody (I really should give my blog a name 😂).
Fazzy - out for now.
I am terrible at this XD
Well, first of all, HI!
Hahahaha I know, I know. I am really bad at keeping a constant update of my blog. Well, not like anyone is a major follower anyway, but seriously hahaha. Anyway, in regards my last post, I do have a lot to update and share, but I don't think I can do that in 2 days. So... I'll do the summary for events I can recall 😅😂
Okay so, I got into roleplaying a few months after I started work. Met a lot of very interesting people, also a lot of child predators and really just assholes. Skipping them, I would to mention one friend, N, whom I met on 1st October 2018 that is still my friend now, still roleplaying with me (a different story now lol) and has never tainted me (seriously). He's also been an amazing guy that I kinda had a crush on for a short while (very long actually). Well, we would've dated if we were closer to each other. Besides he doesn't do long distances so that's why hahaha.
Apart from that guy, I forgot to mention A, K and J. I met both A and K when I first got into group roleplaying. Ironically, before I met N. A is an amazing that has unbelievably a lot of similarities to me. The things we faced, the things we liked, our personalities. We're like literal twins, a photocopy of each other. I'm two years older than her though hahaha. K was the admin of my first group, also a magnificent girl who resonates a lot with me. A sensitive and emotional girl just like A and myself. These are my two girl besties in the RP. We've even made a pact to visit each other in the near future, and I will see to it that I do. Lastly, J. Cute guy, cute personality. He treats me like a sister, so I guess he is my brother. I used to have a crush on him and vice versa, but things turned out differently. He just recently started dating K thanks to moi, so I'm happy for them. He and K are both a year older than me, but treat me very differently hahaha. It's rather unfair to say that he is the last, considering I have made much more great friends, but these four are very important ones to me.
Fast forward to late November-December, we both got into a group RP and I met this guy, M, younger than me. A helpless romantic, like me. A guy with plenty of issues, but I loved him for who he is. We dated after a while of flirting and joking around, but it was short lived. It was toxic for the both of us. I was too hard on him and he was too confusing for me, so we went our separate ways. It was low-key a relief, but I do miss him sometimes. We're still friends, and we still talk and update each other on our lives. He asked me to get back together a few months after we broke up but I knew it wasn't what he truly wanted nor was it something I needed. It worked for the best, I''d say. He's now dating someone else too, so congrats, buddy. 😊
A couple of months after, I dated Mec, which I am still currently dating as of now. YES, I have a boyfriend! Finally hahahah. He's much older than me, much more matured, is a single father of 3. He's been very supportive and amazing despite having a very busy life. We hit a very hard time and is still facing it right now but I'm thankful that he's willing to face all this with me. I do hope we'd see this year to the end and also walk into next year together, but I do have my concerns. We'll keep that hush-hush for now. I love you, bb 💕💓
That is pretty much it. I'll get into my real life in my next post, probably in the next few hours or so. Time to go now, but I promise I'll be back shortly. Fazzy - out.
Hahahaha I know, I know. I am really bad at keeping a constant update of my blog. Well, not like anyone is a major follower anyway, but seriously hahaha. Anyway, in regards my last post, I do have a lot to update and share, but I don't think I can do that in 2 days. So... I'll do the summary for events I can recall 😅😂
Okay so, I got into roleplaying a few months after I started work. Met a lot of very interesting people, also a lot of child predators and really just assholes. Skipping them, I would to mention one friend, N, whom I met on 1st October 2018 that is still my friend now, still roleplaying with me (a different story now lol) and has never tainted me (seriously). He's also been an amazing guy that I kinda had a crush on for a short while (very long actually). Well, we would've dated if we were closer to each other. Besides he doesn't do long distances so that's why hahaha.
Apart from that guy, I forgot to mention A, K and J. I met both A and K when I first got into group roleplaying. Ironically, before I met N. A is an amazing that has unbelievably a lot of similarities to me. The things we faced, the things we liked, our personalities. We're like literal twins, a photocopy of each other. I'm two years older than her though hahaha. K was the admin of my first group, also a magnificent girl who resonates a lot with me. A sensitive and emotional girl just like A and myself. These are my two girl besties in the RP. We've even made a pact to visit each other in the near future, and I will see to it that I do. Lastly, J. Cute guy, cute personality. He treats me like a sister, so I guess he is my brother. I used to have a crush on him and vice versa, but things turned out differently. He just recently started dating K thanks to moi, so I'm happy for them. He and K are both a year older than me, but treat me very differently hahaha. It's rather unfair to say that he is the last, considering I have made much more great friends, but these four are very important ones to me.
Fast forward to late November-December, we both got into a group RP and I met this guy, M, younger than me. A helpless romantic, like me. A guy with plenty of issues, but I loved him for who he is. We dated after a while of flirting and joking around, but it was short lived. It was toxic for the both of us. I was too hard on him and he was too confusing for me, so we went our separate ways. It was low-key a relief, but I do miss him sometimes. We're still friends, and we still talk and update each other on our lives. He asked me to get back together a few months after we broke up but I knew it wasn't what he truly wanted nor was it something I needed. It worked for the best, I''d say. He's now dating someone else too, so congrats, buddy. 😊
A couple of months after, I dated Mec, which I am still currently dating as of now. YES, I have a boyfriend! Finally hahahah. He's much older than me, much more matured, is a single father of 3. He's been very supportive and amazing despite having a very busy life. We hit a very hard time and is still facing it right now but I'm thankful that he's willing to face all this with me. I do hope we'd see this year to the end and also walk into next year together, but I do have my concerns. We'll keep that hush-hush for now. I love you, bb 💕💓
That is pretty much it. I'll get into my real life in my next post, probably in the next few hours or so. Time to go now, but I promise I'll be back shortly. Fazzy - out.
Saturday, March 9, 2019
What a long time, huh?
DAMNNN
I didn't realise how long has it been since my last post. Well, if I have to be honest, this blog comes to mind only when I'm frustrated, bored, broken or simply need to talk but have no one to listen. Not sure if that's good or bad haha.
Okay, let's see. My last post was about the second phase of my internship programmme. Obviously, that was long over. Ended intern and major project presentation fairly well. Went through the remaining half semester extremely well too. I'd say the best semester of my Polytechnic life, hands down.
Next, graduation fell on my dad's birthday. Yeah, what a birthday gift, right? Of course, the biggest day of my life meant nothing to anyone but myself and mum, not even dad. Whatever, I guess. On a side note, mum sewed me a beautiful floral dress and the material was perfect. Super flowy, heavy but not hot. Totally in love with it. A little sad that I didn't get to live my dream of graduating with a boyfriend HAHAH ðŸ˜
And clearly, what else would come next after graduation, right? Dreadful adulting, definitely. Started searching for a job since the last day of school, only got one more than a month after graduation. It was okay at first, but it was hell on Earth after a few months. At least that's what my Superiors made it feel like, though I can't deny that it was definitely as easy job to do. Heck, my colleague is freaking 66 years old and still doing it. It's seriously easy. And one more good thing about this is, my best friend worked at the same place as me! My only oxygen in that suffocating building, honestly.
Truth be told, there are sooooo many stories that I can tell about work, but I think I'll save it for another day, yeah? Even more crazy things took place in the past 6 months, so I truuuly don't know where I should start. Let's just say, everything started thanks to role-playing. Hints: Flirting, dating, heartbreak, crushes, friendships, trust, betrayals, drama, comedy, hating and hated. Way more, actually, but I won't be able to sleep if I were to list them all. I haven't even started telling the stories lol 😆
So.......... until next time. Hopefully it's soon because if anymore things were to happen, I might just be able to write a novel about it all XD Oh! Talking about novels, I was also used as a character in someone's novel, but that's another story for another day 😜
I didn't realise how long has it been since my last post. Well, if I have to be honest, this blog comes to mind only when I'm frustrated, bored, broken or simply need to talk but have no one to listen. Not sure if that's good or bad haha.
Okay, let's see. My last post was about the second phase of my internship programmme. Obviously, that was long over. Ended intern and major project presentation fairly well. Went through the remaining half semester extremely well too. I'd say the best semester of my Polytechnic life, hands down.
Next, graduation fell on my dad's birthday. Yeah, what a birthday gift, right? Of course, the biggest day of my life meant nothing to anyone but myself and mum, not even dad. Whatever, I guess. On a side note, mum sewed me a beautiful floral dress and the material was perfect. Super flowy, heavy but not hot. Totally in love with it. A little sad that I didn't get to live my dream of graduating with a boyfriend HAHAH ðŸ˜
And clearly, what else would come next after graduation, right? Dreadful adulting, definitely. Started searching for a job since the last day of school, only got one more than a month after graduation. It was okay at first, but it was hell on Earth after a few months. At least that's what my Superiors made it feel like, though I can't deny that it was definitely as easy job to do. Heck, my colleague is freaking 66 years old and still doing it. It's seriously easy. And one more good thing about this is, my best friend worked at the same place as me! My only oxygen in that suffocating building, honestly.
Truth be told, there are sooooo many stories that I can tell about work, but I think I'll save it for another day, yeah? Even more crazy things took place in the past 6 months, so I truuuly don't know where I should start. Let's just say, everything started thanks to role-playing. Hints: Flirting, dating, heartbreak, crushes, friendships, trust, betrayals, drama, comedy, hating and hated. Way more, actually, but I won't be able to sleep if I were to list them all. I haven't even started telling the stories lol 😆
So.......... until next time. Hopefully it's soon because if anymore things were to happen, I might just be able to write a novel about it all XD Oh! Talking about novels, I was also used as a character in someone's novel, but that's another story for another day 😜
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)